I'm over here, Michael.
What's happening to me, Star?
Oh, Michael!
Michael, I can't tell you. I don't know how to help you.
What's happening?
Hi.
Aren't we friends anymore?
Sure.
Does that mean we are, or...?
We are.
Then let's act like friends.
Let's talk.
Michael, take off your glasses.
Michael, look at me.
If there's a girl...
I'm tired, Mom.
- We could talk about... - I'm tired.
We can talk about anything you want to talk about.
I have more serious things on my mind than girls and school.
Things I'm dealing with...
Things I wouldn't understand?
Looks like I wasn't the only one who got lucky last night.
Did you take care of everything, Michael?
What's the wine for?
My apology to Max for running out on him last night.
Which, young man, you should be making.
I better bring this up to the house or somebody's just gonna take it.
All right, I'll be here.
Hi, Thorn.
Mom!
Honey, get in the car! Get in the car!
The dog chased my mom like the Hounds of Hell from Vampires Everywhere.
We've been aware of some very serious vampire activity in town for a long time.
Santa Carla has become a haven for the undead.
As a matter of fact, we're almost certain that...
ghouls and werewolves occupy high positions at City Hall.
Kill your brother. You'll feel better.
Look, guys, my brother is not a bloodsucker.
It says here that if you kill the head vampire...
all half-vampires will return to normal.
Guys, if my brother's a vampire, believe me, he's only half.
Does he know who the head vampire is?
No, I don't think so.
Then you'll have to kill him.
And if you don't...
we will.
It all started when my mom went to work at Max's video store.
Max never comes in till after it's dark.
The dog who chased my mom this morning was his.
Listen to this: "Vampires require a daytime protector, a guardian...
"to watch over them as they sleep.
"Fierce dogs, the Hounds of Hell, are often employed for this purpose".
What happens if my mom is dating the head vampire?
You could nail him and save Santa Carla.
"Truth, Justice, the American way" triumphs.
Thanks to you two.
We'll check out Max.
Smells good. When do we eat?
I told Max eight o'clock.
Max?
Are we going to have company again?
Again?
You haven't had company in this house since Mom died eight years ago.
Right. Now we're gonna have company again.
Michael, Max is coming to dinner. I'd like you to meet him.
I can't. I have plans.
Michael....
Things will change around this house when school starts.
How you doing? You must be Michael, right?
And you must be Max.
Well, you're the man of the house...
and I'm not coming in until you invite me.
You're invited.
Thanks very much.
Hello.
Oh, hi. I didn't hear you come in.
Is it okay for the guest to see the food before dinner?
You're thinking of the groom not seeing the bride before the wedding.
Oh, yeah. I always get those confused.
Thorn sends his apologies.
Tell him I'm walking again.
He promises to behave if you come back.
Mom?
These are my dinner guests.
Edgar and Alan. The Frog brothers.
I didn't know you were having guests.
If we'll be in your way, we can eat some peanut butter in the kitchen.
No, no, there's plenty for everybody.
Max, this is my son, Sam, and Edgar and Alan...Frog?
Lucy, this looks terrific.
Well, I hope it tastes good.
Tastes wonderful.
Boy! Somebody around here has bad breath!
Nanook, would you quit breathing on me!
Nanook, get upstairs. Go on.
You want some Parmesan cheese on that?
Yeah, Sam. Thank you very much.
Sam grated the cheese himself. My son.
A budding chef in the family.
Are you all right?
It's not cheese, it's garlic.
You hate garlic, don't you?
No, I like garlic. It's just too much....
It's raw garlic.
Garlic? How did that happen?
Guys, he likes garlic.
Here. Quick, drink some water!
Sam, what's the matter with you?
Does it burn?
Burn? Are you nuts?
It's freezing!
Look at your suit, Max. And your pants.
Oh, I'm so sorry.
Now what?
Must be a circuit breaker.
He's not glowing.
I know. Hit the lights.
Sam! What's gotten into you tonight?
I think I know what's going on here.
You do?
Yeah.
I know what you're thinking, Sam. But you're wrong.
- I am? - Yeah.
I'm not trying to replace your father...
or steal your mother away from you.
I would just like to be your friend. That's all.
Good night, Lucy.
Thanks a lot!
I'm sorry, Mom.
Max, I'm so sorry.
Major mistake.
Our batting average isn't terrific, is it? Zero for two.
You were so sweet to him.
I don't know what got into him. He's not like that.
Kids Sam's age need discipline, otherwise they run all over you.
He doesn't run over me.
Protecting mother.
Let's try it once more.
Dinner, my house, tomorrow night.
- I'm cooking. - Okay.
Where is she?
Take it easy, Michael.
Where's Star, David?
If you ever want to see Star again...
you better come with us now.
Michael, over here.
You don't want to miss this.
Initiation's over, Michael.
Time to join the club.
Now you know what we are.
Now you know what you are.
You'll never grow old, Michael.
And you'll never die.
But you must feed.
I wish Grandpa would stop giving me these stupid things.
I know who I am now, Sam.
Don't kill me, Mike!
I'm basically a good kid, so don't kill me!
I can help you.
Just tell me who the head vampire is.
I thought it was Max, but I was wrong.
Just work with me and I can help you. You'll be okay.
Michael!
It's that girl from the boardwalk. Is she one of them?
- I have to talk to you. Can I come up? - No!
You shut the window and lock your door.
She's one of them!
And don't tell me it doesn't make her a bad person, Mike!
You know where David took me tonight, don't you, Star?
Who's David?
Yes, and it's my fault.
If you hadn't met me, if I hadn't liked you....
I tried to warn you.
It was that night in the cave, wasn't it?
That wasn't wine they gave me to drink. It was blood.
That was David's blood.
You drank someone's blood? Are you crazy?
I'm just like David now, Star.
No, you're not. You're like Laddie and me.
- We're not one of them... - Until you make your first kill!
Why didn't you kill me last night?
You were supposed to be my first.
That's what David wanted.
But I couldn't, Michael.
Why?
Because you care so much about me?
Yes, I do.
What are you doing here? What do you want from me?
I wanted to tell you that it's not too late for you.
But for me it gets harder and harder to resist.
I'm weak.
Why did you come here tonight, Star?
I was hoping you would help Laddie and me.
Star!
Don't kill anybody until we get back to you.
What are you doing?
I've got connections.
Okay. Where's Nosferatu?
- Who? - The Prince of Darkness.
The night crawler. The bloodsucker.
EI Vampiro.
Mike, they're here!
Grandpa, okay if we borrow the car?
Weapons check.
I don't want you going down there.
I'm going.
Look, this isn't a comic book, Sammy. These guys are brutal killers.
So are the Frog brothers.
Check me.
Who'd you rather have go down there with you? Them or me?
If something happens down there, I won't have the strength to protect you.
This time I'll protect you.
Even though you're a vampire, you're still my brother.
Listen, just so you know: lf you try to stop us, or vamp-out in any way...
I'll stake you without even thinking twice about it.
Chill out, Edgar.
Where did you say you met these guys?
Holy shit!
Vampire hotel!
Here's one. Let's stake her!
Don't you touch her!
Stay away from her!
Come on, vampires have such rotten tempers.
The rest of them have got to be here someplace. We'll find 'em.
Star?
- I'm taking you out of here. - No, take Laddie first.
Please?
I feel a draft. I think there's something up here.
- Let's check it out, Sam. - Come on.
I'll be right back, Mike.
I hope.
Come on, Sam, let's go.
Move out! Move!
Flies!
We're on the right trail.
Flies and the undead go together, like bullets and guns.
Come on!
What's that smell?
Vampires, my friend. Vampires.
It's freezing in here.
It looks like a dead end. Let's head back.
They must have hidden their coffins here someplace.
There's nothing here. Let's go, guys.
Jesus!
I thought they'd be in coffins.
That's what this cave is.
It's one giant coffin.
Right now they're at their most vulnerable.
Easy pickings.
Remember, you just have to kill the leader.
We don't know which one he is.
I guess we'll just have to kill them all.
Let's start with the little one. First come, first staked.
What was that, a little vampire humor?
It wasn't funny.
No!
Good night, bloodsucker!
You're dead meat!
Get him into the sunlight!
Tonight....
Mike! Start the car!
- We blew it, man! We lost it! - Shut up!
- We unraveled in the face of the enemy! - It's not our fault.
They pulled a mind-scramble on us! They opened their eyes and talked!
I'll drive.
We don't ride with vampires.
Fine. Stay here.
- We do now. - Yeah.
Come on! Sam, let's get out of here!
Burn rubber!
"Burn rubber" does not mean warp speed!
Cool it, Nanook!
Your dog knows a flesh-eater when he smells one.
Take him outside, Sam.
Come on, Nanook.
Michael.
Do you know the rule about filling up the car with gas...
when you take it without asking?
No, Grandpa.
Now you do.
We definitely blew Plan A.
Time to activate Plan B.
- What's Plan B? - We don't have one yet.
We have two and a half hours to come up with one.
What happens then?
The sun goes down. They'll be looking for us.
Sam, what are you doing here?
I've got to tell you something. It's real important.
Santa Carla is crawling with vampires.
Mom, I'm serious!
Edgar staked one of them. It was screaming and fizzing!
Look, there's evidence on my sweater!
Mom, you've got to tell someone!
- You've got to tell someone! - This isn't funny!
I'm not kidding! They're coming to the house when it gets dark!
Stop it! Right now! Stop it!
- But, Mom... - Not another word!
I don't believe you're doing this.
I want to see Max tonight, and you're trying to ruin it for me.
No, I'm not.
There's nothing wrong with Max. I don't know why you don't want me...
I'm not talking about Max! To hell with Max!
I'll deal with you later, young man!
Guys, we're on our own.
Good. That's just the way we like it.
Widow Johnson called. Said to pick her up at seven, not eight.
We've got a date tonight?
I guess so. She said not to be late.
I better get cleaned up, then.
Die, Mr. Vampire!
They'll be coming for Laddie and me, won't they?
They'll be coming for all of us.
Laddie, wake up.
- Oh, it's delicious. - Thank you.
Thorn, stop that!
What's the matter, Lucy?
It's just old memories coming back.
No, seriously. Why are you so jumpy tonight?
Well, it's something Sam...
He came into the store....
It was just a kid's imagination, I'm sure, but...
he seemed so sincere, but....
It's insane.
Tell me. I promise not to laugh.
Honest.
I think I should warn you all:
When a vampire dies, it's never a pretty sight.
No two bloodsuckers go out the same way.
Some yell and scream. Some go quietly.
Some explode. Some implode.
But all will try to take you with them.
Nanook! I left him outside.
Don't go out there! Stop him!
- Sam, come back! - No way!
Michael, they're coming!
They're coming!
Hurry up, man!
Take them upstairs!
- I say we terminate them right now. - Laddie, run!
You're mine.
You killed Marko.
Yeah. You're next.
No. You're next.
Garlic don't work, boys.
Try the holy water, death breath!
Mike, wake up.
You missed, sucker.
Only once, pal.
Death by stereo.
Hey, it's me.
Are you okay?
I nailed one of them downstairs with a bow and arrow.
We trashed the one that looked like Twisted Sister.
We totally annihilated his night stalkin' ass!
And Nanook helped a little.
Death to all vampires!
Maximum body count.
We are awesome monster bashers!
The meanest!
The baddest!
Holy shit!
The attack of Eddie Munster! Get him!
Stop! Get away from him! Just stay away from him!
He's just a little boy!
You're afraid to face me, David?
I tried to make you immortal.
You tried to make me a killer!
You are a killer.
My turn.
Stop fighting me, Michael. I don't want to kill you.
Join us.
Never!
It's too late. My blood is in your veins.
So is mine!
Don't let them see me like this.
Get away, Sam.
- Michael, what's wrong? - I said, get away!
What's the big deal? You destroyed the head vampire.
It's all over.
Nothing's changed.
He's right. I don't feel any different.
Then there's still one more.
I'll handle Mom. Come on, go.
Don't let her see the bodies.
What happened?
Where is Michael?
What happened to your face?
I don't want to hear another word from you until I talk to Michael.
I'm sorry, Lucy.
This is all my fault.
David and my boys misbehaved.
I told you, boys need a mother.
Max, what are you talking about?
I knew it! You're the head vampire!
Sam, don't start this again.
You're the secret that David was protecting.
Who's this?
But you passed the test.
Don't ever invite a vampire into your house, you silly boy.
It renders you powerless.
Did you know that?
Of course.
Everyone knows that.
Has everyone gone crazy? What's the matter with all of you?
It was you I was after, all along, Lucy.
What?
I knew...
that if I could get Sam and Michael into the family...
there was no way you could say no.
Where's Michael?
It was all going to be so perfect, Lucy.
Just like one big happy family.
Your boys...
and my boys.
Great. "The Bloodsucking Brady Bunch".
I still want you, Lucy.
I haven't changed my mind about that.
I didn't invite you this time, Max!
Michael!
Don't you touch my mother!
Don't fight, Lucy. It's so much better if you don't fight.
Mom, don't!
Don't do it, Mom! Mom, don't do it!
- Are you okay? - Yeah.
It's over.
Is everybody okay?
Oh, my boys.
How much do you think we should charge them for this?
Dad?
Dad, are you all right?
One thing about livin' in Santa Carla I never could stomach....
All the damn vampires.